Surviving the Holidays after the Loss of a Loved One

The holidays are upon us.  The most wonderful time of the year.  Right.  Tons of good cheer.  Right. You know the song.  The spirit of Christmas has a way of putting a smile on everyone's face who celebrates this blissful holiday.  I have been a part of this mass euphoria of bliss called Christmas.  From the time I was a little girl holidays were special to me. I must say Christmas has always been my favorite with Thanksgiving as a close runner up. I think the fact that you get to eat for 48 hours and watch football should have put thanksgiving at first place.  However Christmas wins.  

My mother (who transitioned in March of 2012) and my father (who passed away in October of 2010) both made such a huge deal out of both of these holidays.  From my earliest years I can remember smoked turkey, ham and dessert lots and lots of desserts. But before you think I am just greedy the thing that I remember most was the closeness of family.  No matter what the fixings or the gifts given, there was always a coming together that warmed my souls.  That brings me to today's topic:  Surviving the holidays after the loss of a Loved one.

It will be four years in March since I lost my mother but it still seems like we were chatting on the phone just yesterday.  The grieving process for me is like a valley of mountains that has very high points and very low points.  Some of the lowest points have happened during the holiday season, family milestones or events.  I have tried to do several things to avoid these meltdowns for the sake of my children.  They were very close to their grandparents so if I melt down they to will begin to act out.

During the holidays I have tried a few things that has helped me keep from having one of these emotionally charged and debilitating moments  The biggest tip for those that grief is to plan ahead.  If you know a special time is coming up take measures to accommodate whatever feelings that you may have coming up.

The following five things keep me grounded during the holiday season:
Plan Ahead
Planning ahead is so important during the holidays whether you are experiencing grief or not.  However if you are experiencing grief planning is even more important.  The stress of doing things at the last minute can send you on an emotional roller coaster and make the holidays a chore rather than joyful moments.
Care of Self
Making sure that you are taking care of yourself during the holidays is key.  i have found that in the last four years I have fallen bedridden sick every year between Thanksgiving and New Year’s.  This year I have been conscious of this phenomenon and made sure that I am getting enough rest, taking my medications and not taking on more tasks than I can bear.

Set Boundaries
In the past I have been the go to person when it comes to cooking, planning events and hosting holiday dinners.  It is actually something that I love to do and enjoy dearly. Hosting events and preparing food can be time consuming and tiresome. It is okay to say no.  It's okay to say I would like to contribute a dish verses hosting an event.

Focus on the Living
A friend once told me you can’t get mad when you go into the stores and see cards on mother’s day.  Just remember that others still have their mothers to celebrate.  Instead of focusing on who isn’t here let us focus on who is.  For me during the holidays my biggest focus is on my children and my grandson.  My desire is to make Holidays a joyous memory for them when they get to be older.

Remember the Good Times

The last thing I do to cope with my loss is to remember all of the happy moments that I shared and try to incorporate those traditions into my holiday festivities.

Are you dealing with the loss of someone? How will you cope with the stress that the holidays may bring?  

Do you know someone who is going through the grieving process? How will you support  them during the holiday season?

I would love to hear from you, please comment below.

Disclosures:  
The image of desk is from www.freeimages.com